


Final Confessions

by katrani



Category: Thrilling Intent (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, F/M, delayed confessions, trauma-induced understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7044637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrani/pseuds/katrani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the right moment is far too late to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thog

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt of "person b finally holds person a’s hand, kisses them gently, and… confesses their love to person a’s dead body." The Ashe chapter was written much later, and the Inien one just while cross-posting this, so the style might be slightly different on those.

The monster shrieks like splitting wood as it dies. Maybe it’s supposed to be a spiritfolk, but it’s not- not since it tore out of Ashe, tearing through her like a saw through leaves. It evaporates into dust and cinders, but only two of the party are paying attention to it at that point.

Thog doesn’t even take the chance to watch the spiritfolk die, to gloat over its failure in attaining its freedom. Instead, as soon as he hears the start of its death knell, he whirls about and rushes over to Ashe. He kneels next to her. His hands shake as he reaches for her, to her cloud of hair, her slim shoulders, unsure how to try and rouse her. But he knows. One look at her skin, paler than normal; or her chest, unmoved by even the faintest breath, is enough to tell him she’s gone.

He reaches for her hand, fingers intertwining with hers. “I’m sorry…” he rasps, his heart pounding in his chest like it always does around her. But this time it isn’t excitement, it’s just panic. Worrying, anxious panic. He wants to squash it all down. What use would his words be now? But they bubble up, finally cut loose by the shock of seeing her like this, knowing he waited too long.

“Ashe I never thought- if I knew before, I would’ve found a way to stop this. I’d get that fucking  book back from Markus and do all the research and free you from this but you had to be so fucking stubborn and not! Tell us anything! Dammit- I should’ve known, should’ve thought more about the things you said and did, but I was too wrapped up in myself- I was always thinking what a piece of shit I was, wanting you to see me. I never…” His thumb draws circles on the back of her hand, eventually brushing against a cold edge- the bracelet he gave her. A sob catches in his throat, and his words tumble out even faster, hiccups punctuating every halting breath. “You kept this stupid thing but you couldn’t let us help you before this? Ashe you have to know I’d give up all the silver and gold in the world if it’d bring you back. I- Please, Ashe, you can’t leave us like this. The guys need you… _I_ need you. I won’t let my pride keep getting in the way, please, gods, just… I’d tell you so much sooner if I could just… Aesling, please, _please_ , I love you, you can’t be gone… You can’t…”

The first few tears fall from his eyes. He feels uglier than normal. Ashe is dead, and he’s still making it about himself. But he can’t stop. If he stops himself now, bottles it all back up, there’s no way he’ll be able to stand up again. He still has a bullet in his gun, after all- but no, he has his employees to look after. He can’t abandon them when they’d be reeling from a teammate’s death.

“Ashe, I’m sorry.” Thog leans over, and his lips gently brush against her forehead. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. But I can at least keep these guys from seeing you again too quickly. I know you’d want that much.”

He stays like that for a moment, inhaling deeply and trying to make sure he’ll always remember her scent: rich soil and deep woods, growing things, _life._ He closes her golden eyes for the last time, his touch as gentle as possible, then lets go of her as he stands up.

The others are a few feet away, all of them trying to give him his space to grieve but also clearly barely holding themselves back. Gregor’s sitting on the sand with his head in his hands, one arm wrapped around his glaive as it stands like a grave marker next to him. Markus is on his feet, but barely, listing back and forth unsteadily. Kier’s sobbing, but surprisngly quiet, and as soon as Thog moves Kier rushes over to scoop Ashe up and cry over her.

Thog swallows around a lump in his throat. He’s CEO of this ragtag bunch. He has to get them moving again, before they start wallowing. He lightly touches Kier’s shoulder to get the engineer’s attention, then steps closer to the other two. “Good job with the spiritfolk,” he says. “We’re going to bury Ashe here on the beach, so the sea air can carry her wherever her spirit wishes. Then we’re headed home. We don’t have a healer anymore, so we’ve got to patch each other up.” He waits, but none of them move.

He glares. “Get moving before I fire all of you!” he bellows. No room to  be nice now. He’s going to push them until they can’t think anymore, because that’s the only way he knows to get past these things.


	2. Markus

The monster shrieks like stone cracking as it dies. Maybe it’s supposed to be a spiritfolk, but it’s not- not since it tore out of Ashe, ripping through her like lightning against sand. It evaporates into ash and smog, and the party stares as it dissipates.  
  
“Ha-HA! Take that, you overgrown weed!” Markus crows, breaking the awestruck spell over all of them. Gregor topples over, worn out by the fight, but at least he’s conscious. Thog kneels a few feet away, still holding his gun like he’s expecting to have to fire it. Kier looks over his shoulder and pales, squeaking as he motions at Markus.  
  
“What is it buddy?” Markus turns to follow Kier’s pointing, and then it hits him. The adrenaline rush of fighting made it easy to forget, but then he sees a green lump clashing against the sand and he freezes. “…No…”  
  
He stumbles over to Ashe, forcing his legs to move. He sits next to her, rolls her onto her back. Brushes her starlight hair away from her face. “Ashe- no…” There’s something in his throat. He can’t talk, his breath’s hitching on its way to his lungs. His fingers scrabble in the sand, hoping to fall through into mist, praying that this is a nightmare- but no, the cold sea spray still crashes over him with the waves, and the sand is rough under his hands, and Ashe is _right there_ but she’s not moving or breathing or calling him an idiot or _anything_.  
  
He chokes out a sob, grabbing one of her hands in both of his. “Please… _please!_ ” he whimpers, putting as much energy as he can through himself without setting anything on fire. Maybe if he warms her up again, makes her corpse feel like a living thing again, her soul will come back and she’ll open her eyes and smack his arm for being so emotional over so small a thing.  
  
But the innate traits of his demon’s blood can’t help here, and he knows there’s no way to go and bargain for her. Ashe had been involved in a contract with that spiritfolk, and he has no way of knowing where in all the planes her soul is now. She’s gone forever. He bows his head.  
  
“I love you,” he manages to whisper, desperately, and gives her the most gentle kiss. Faint memories of old stories come back to him, and he knows it’s foolish, but Markus still can’t help but wait anxiously for a second.   
  
She still doesn’t move.   
  
He should’ve known, even if he was lucky enough to have a true love for her, it wouldn’t be strong enough to battle death. Not pure enough. He cradles her body, quietly crying. Eventually Kier comes over and touches his shoulder. “Thog says we have to go,” he says.  
  
Markus nods. He knows. Yet he makes no movement to get up or let go of Ashe’s body. “I couldn’t save her.” His voice is hoarse and dry from not talking for so long.  
  
“None of us could, Markus.” That’s Gregor’s voice, on his other side. “We have to-”  
  
“I know.” He finally stands, motions them back. Focuses on the sparks of energy always buzzing just beneath his skin. As he feels it burn outwards, catching onto Ashe’s clothing and hair, intense enough to need no extra fuel, he pushes his feelings away with it. Maybe it’s a good thing he never said anything to her, he decides as he steps away from where she lays. His passion would just burn her up like the dandelion her hair always reminded him of.  
  
“Thog go to get us booze?” he asks.  
  
“Something like that, yeah,” Kier answers. Gregor nods in confirmation.  
  
“Then let’s go. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust and all that, no use standing out here in the cold any longer.”


	3. Kier

The monster tears through Ashe, a hunter leaping from its cover. Everyone jumps at the chance to attack it, to kill the thing that dares to harm their friend. Well, almost everyone. Kier can only stare, dumbstruck, as Ashe’s body falls to the ground like one of his test mannequins, limp and broken.  
  
The fight quickly moves further down the beach, Gregor and Markus leading the massive spiritfolk away. Kier, however, runs over to Ashe. He props her up in his arms, checks her pulse. She’s breathing, barely, but it’s heavy and ragged. Her eyes stare ahead, unseeing.  
  
“Ashe, stay with me,” he whispers quickly. He fumbles at one of his belts. He has to have something! But he left his potions at the bar, and he can’t think clearly enough to remember what all of the devices he has do. “Please, Ashe, focus here, you’re alive, you can patch yourself up! Right?”  
  
Her head twitches slightly, as if she’s trying to look at him. “Guardian- broken-” she murmurs, the words sluggish.  
  
“Okay, okay, so you can’t heal! That’s fine! I’ll figure something out!” He starts to stand, picking her up, but she winces and he kneels back down. “Sorry! I didn’t- Ashe!” His voice strains upwards in panic as she gasps and her nails dig into his arm, suddenly seeming alright for a moment.  
  
“They’re winning! Kier, they hurt it! They can- no one else will have to..!” Her eyes unfocus again, and she goes limp. “Sor… ry…”  
  
“No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong- I mean, maybe, we could’ve done something if we knew before but there’s lots of things we don’t know and it’s usually fine! Right?” Kier forces a smile, even though she can’t see his face. “Everything’s gonna be fine! Markus will be able to patch you up back at the bar!”  
  
“I’m not- I won’t… I’m linked to it now. Always was. Can’t cut th… that bond completely. He… you can’t help. ”  
  
Kier’s eyes narrow, but he does what he’s best at: pretends not to hear. “Nonsense!” He tries standing with her again, and this time she doesn’t react to the movement, so he starts walking. Ignores the blood spreading from her to his own clothes. “There’s plenty of bandages and medicine.” She flinches, curling in on herself. “Ashe?”  
  
“It’s gonna… Last legs.” She grasps at the edge of his sleeve again, but this time it seems more relieved than reactionary. “No one else has to, ever!” She cackles, the sound broken and completely terrifying in her weakened voice, almost hysterical. “Kier, it’s… I’m- glad.” Her breath is faster now, as if she’s in the middle of a panic, but she keeps forcing words out. “Thank them for me? You all- I’m lucky. You’re all the best. I- I mean it. Don’t ever give up on each other, and thank you. I- you’re…” She slowly lets go of him, and then seems to faint.  
  
“Ashe?” Kier stops in his tracks, looking down at her. She seems almost at ease, eyes closed and a smile left on her face. But her breathing’s stopped, and as he tries to rouse her with a gentle shake she gives no reaction. “Ashe, no!” His heart skips a beat, then another, and another. He’s cold, as if he’s suddenly detoured into the waves just a few feet away.  
  
A tear lands on her cheek. He holds her closer to himself, refusing to let go even as sobs wrack through him. “You can’t… I never…” He can’t bear to think of the world without her, and in this moment he’s not sure if it’d feel the same if any of the others died, or if she’s always been the one that would hurt the most. “I never thought to ask, but I might’ve- I love you.”  
  
He kisses the top of her head, holds her like that for a second. Of course he’s only figuring this out when it’s too late. The warmth’s already leaving her body. He takes a breath to steady himself. The tears won’t stop, but at least he can keep moving.  
  
He hears a death knell like a thousand tree roots ripping from the ground, a mountain falling to pieces and crushing the world below it, and follows it to the others. He has to tell them Ashe’s final thoughts, connect them all one last time by being a messenger. He won’t let the others feel as sudden a lost as he had, all those years ago when he lost everyone he ever knew. Won’t let one death mark him being alone again.

It’s what she would’ve wanted him to do, for this ragtag family they’d all stumbled into.


	4. Inien

It breaks away from her, a rotted tree crashing onto everything that it once supported. Inien's already there, grabbing Ashe's body away, afraid that it might devour her. She doesn't think, doesn't wait, simply recites the incantation.

She knows it won't last for as long as it normally does, knows that she should've used her book. But it would've taken time, and the one thing the spell gives her and the one she holds is the one thing they don't have.

Inien looks down, focuses on Ashe's face. She's breathing heavily, rasping, and Inien blinks back sudden tears. "Ashe, c'mon, you have to pull yourself together! You can't let it get the better of you like this!"

She opens her eyes, barely. "Screw... you..." she pants.

"Later, okay?" Inien presses her hands to Ashe's arms, against her neck, trying to stem the bleeding. But it's not enough. Everywhere there's a line of a binding, there's blood, a cut that won't ever heal. "Just use your stupid special not-magic already so we can beat this thing together!"

"Can't." Ashe tries to sit up, winces, collapses against Inien's arm. "It has all my magic... Everything I could ever do." Her words are slower, slightly slurred. Her eyes are starting to glaze over.

"You can survive! You can keep going!" Inien snaps. "You're barely more than mediocre, and that means you have to last a good long while!"

Ashe smiles despite everything. "Keep an eye on... the others, okay? They need looking after."

"Stop worrying about other people and focus on yourself!" Inien leans over, cradling Ashe to herself. She touches her forehead to Ashe's. "Don't make me beg. I- I love you, Ashe, whatever else happened. I love you, so you have to stay. I won't lose you."

Ashe closes her eyes. Even as she winces in pain, she seems content. "Thank you... Inien. I love..." But that's all she can get out. All at once, the life leaves her, and she's limp in Inien's arms.

That's it. Inien knows it. There'll be no more barbs spat at each other, no more staring at those eyes more precious than any coin, no more amusing arguments that turn into real conversations. Nothing remains.

Inien sits up, kisses the back of Ashe's hand. Sets her down and stands. As the time stop starts to fade, she readies another spell, putting all of her magic together into one burst. She aims, and as soon as she hears the monster screaming its victory like a waterfall plunging into a cove, she lets loose. Combined with Markus's own magic, and Thog's gun, and an attack from Gregor, they  make it burn.

It dies, but she has no concern for it. Instead, she focuses on Ashe, pacing around her, scribbling notes in her spellbook. She's heard rumors, of non-necromantic ways to return people. The others cry their good-byes, and Inien looks ahead, already planning how to chase after Ashe and return her where she belongs.

 


	5. Ashe

Her bound self snaps free of its chains, pours away from her like rain from petals. She falls, her whole self empty and exhausted, and she isn’t even aware of hitting the ground until she realizes she’s having trouble breathing.  
  
Ashe has never considered herself weak. She was always under pressure, caught beneath the sea of her peoples’ expectations. Always forcing herself not to reach for the surface, to keep their heavy anchor on her borrowed powers. But now, lying here, unable to even move without it inside of her-  maybe she never should have been so vain. Never placed herself as more important than her home, than her duty.  
  
Her vision finally registers again, cloudy and dull but there, and she sees her friends fighting the being that made her so useful to them. Her healing, her guidances, all from that horror towering over them all. But they’re fighting it, and she smiles at that realization. It’s hard not to be vain with so many people lifting her up. Even with the troubles they’d had, Markus had been a sun keeping her warm even in the depths, and Gregor and Kier bubbles that helped lift her away from the weight of duty, Inien a bright fish helping her to manage when she can't escape, and Thog a current nudging her further and further from the people that would force her into their own shape.  
  
One of them strikes a blow on the beast. Ashe yelps, but tries to stifle it. If they know, if they ever find out that hurting it will finish her off, she knows they won’t finish the job. But she wants them to. Even if it means the end of Meathe without their Guardian, she’d rather that than anyone else have this burden.  
  
Another vanity. Making her friends kill her, thinking her wishes are important enough to cause them that pain. But maybe they won’t be alone. She’s still connected to it, the slightest tether as it feeds off of her until it finishes manifesting. She could pull it back to her, but she wouldn’t be able to live with it again after even this weakened freedom. She knows it, as surely as she knows that Kier will cry and Gregor will fall silent and Markus will lash out and Thog will pretend nothing’s wrong.  
  
She pushes that consideration away. _If I’m dead either way, I’ll do my part too,_ she thinks instead. Ashe closes her eyes, and reaches her soul along that thread of energy. She can’t bind it, not completely. She can, however, hold it still. Lay over it with everything she’s carried against herself for years and years, weigh it down and slow its movements.  
  
She keeps her focus for as long as she can, half-distracting the beast until it falls apart into mist and gravel. Then there’s nothing left but her own shell, barely clinging to existence after all that power left it.  
  
Ashe sees her friends running towards her, and a rare smile crosses her face. They freed her, in more ways than one, and she won’t ever forget that. With her final breath, she passes on her last thought.  
  
“Thank you all,” Kier and Gregor think she says, gentle like the summer breeze.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Markus and Thog and Inien swear they hear, harsh as a winter wind.


End file.
